Giving Myself Room For Boredom

Plus the very silly response I texted to my hero, and people not turning off their cars when they go in stores. Really.

Our little downtown apartment, and the modular faux-leather couch I hunted 2 months for online.

“Yeah, you know, necessity is the mother of invention and sometimes boredom and apathy create the necessity.” I texted him.

Ok, I was trying to sound smart.

The guy is my hero after all. Started his own very successful law firm. Married the love of his life. Owns a condo in Hawaii for God’s sake. Sure, he’s my big brother and all, but that doesn’t make him any less impressive.

And he’d just sent me a clip about leaving Instagram, not letting social media run your life,

and allowing room for stupid ideas to flourish into good ones through boredom.

When I think about boredom as open space, I crave it. As I’ve mentioned before, my nervous system is still acclimating to living in a smaller, safer town than the cities I occupied for over a decade. For instance, I still look over my shoulder as I get into my car making sure no one is walking up behind me. I still feel weird when someone is too close in the grocery store…but that’s probably just a very normal response, right? I’m not even sure anymore). I still triple-lock my car, in a place where a lot of people leave their car running when they go into the convenience store. (That still blows my mind, to be honest.)

It could be also the feeling of safety and security I get from being married; someone has my back now. There’s a very tall man around to ensure I’m not attacked and to lock the doors. Even when I’m on my own though, I can feel my heartbeat slowing. Now that I’ve left my corporate job, I’m consciously trying to reduce my pace even more. The whole point is to feel less stress and find some room to breathe again. My doctors have said I have to indulge in a calmer, less stressful life if I want to signal to my body it’s safe to get pregnant.

So that’s what we’re doing.

I do less of everything, so I can have more of everything.

More enjoyment. More ease. More presence. More room to breathe. More regulated heartbeats. More good night’s sleeps. More joy in laying on my couch in the middle of the day and daydreaming until a good blog post idea comes about.

Here’s the clip, by the way. Enjoy.

ghosttourcharleston

A post shared by @ghosttourcharleston

Ready to make this insight your own? Become a paid subscriber for this post’s journal prompts.