Fear Of Being Seen Part II: How Your Brain Is Tricking You

Let's take the next step in healing this whole mess.

If you’ve been following along, you know I’m unraveling my fear of being seen…Which I think might be the reason I became a writer in the first place, so I could be heard without having to put myself out there to speak aloud.

It’s obvious from here and my other social accounts that I am not the definition of ‘shy’. I’m not afraid to make art with my body, or post content of myself.

That doesn’t negate a fear of being seen. Some of the highest achievers and most out-going people I know have a fear of being seen. The tragic suicides of beloved figures and celebrities lends a clue as to why: one might not be afraid to be seen in performative states that gain them notoriety, approval, or belonging. But to be seen in their vulnerability? Their pain? Their struggles? That is where we find a problem.

As for me, a ‘fear of being seen’ led me to write for and about other people (namely, international fashion brands and non-profits) while harboring a deep, soul-level desire to share my unique perspective on being alive. Which comes from having beat a very advanced stage cancer (as advanced as it can get) at age 17.

Meaning I’ve lived my entire adult life knowing, and never forgetting: this one life is all I’ve got.

One chance to make this whole life my own, make my impact, and make it count. And I’m always running out of time.

Can you imagine how your life would change if you held that perspective every moment of the day?

Would you stay in that job you hate one second longer?

Would you pick up the phone and end the stupid fight you’re having with your husband over the dishwasher?

Would you book the damn ticket to Paris? (We did, more to come on that.)

Then you can see why sharing my story and my perspective is so important to me. I could radically change your life.

But what comes with that is facing this fear I have of being selfish. Of asking people to look at me, learn from me. Of wanting attention - because God forbid a sweet, caring, and maternal girl be selfish.

Thus, uncovering my fear, where it came from, and how to get rid of it needs to be a public act. Because if I can heal with in front of you, I am simultaneously fulfilling exactly my second-chance-at-life’s purpose: living out loud. Finding the magic. Breaking free.

It took me a long time to feel comfortable being seen as attractive, after decades spent in the role of the ugly duckling, the weird girl that ate lunch alone. It took many years and successes to accept myself being seen as a great writer. And now, right in front of you, I am practicing the art of being seen as someone who can help you love yourself, grow your potential, and break free of your past. I couldn’t be more honored.

So, a fear of being seen….what the heck

As I discussed last week, it doesn’t necessarily mean shy or that you want to hide out in you room. More often, it means a fear of your wants, dreams, desires, fears, and needs being exposed. Doing so feels dangerous, sinful, and risks things like: abandonment, punishment, humiliation, etc.

I used ChatGPT to figure out what was hiding in my subconscious in this arena, and you can read about what’s lurking down there in this post. You’ll need to do that for yourself to take today’s next step.

What comes after the subconscious uncovering?

Now is the fun part. I heard this one-liner in a recent podcast (here, if you want to listen - I highly recommend) and it slapped me across the face:

What our subconscious fears most is likely, if not definitely, something that has already happened.

We are projecting that fear into the future, and what we really fear is the pain we have already felt.

Basically, what’s running the show in our shadowy subconscious has already happened. We’re not fearing a possible outcome we’ve dreamed up. We’re fearing our own past.

Newly equipped with this knowledge, I was able to look at my Golden Algorithm (the if:then statement of my entire belief system about my self-worth) with new eyes. If it’s already happened, and I’ve turned out to be someone strong, capable, kind, compassionate, and creative…if it already happened and I not only survived but thrived and became someone I actually like being, then what is there to fear?

This is the key.

Realizing that we’ve already survived and sure, it would hurt if it happened again, but we are now adults, capable of caring for ourselves and won’t be pushed out into the wilderness to starve. This awareness puts stark clarity on the fears. Whatever it is we’re afraid of people seeing because less scary, and drops it’s anxious grip on our conscious life. Because whatever it is, we’ve already been there. It’s old hat. And it probably won’t happen again. So why spend our entire lives fighting it?

So here are this week’s journal prompts, as always reserved for paid subscribers only. Today, with a focus on pulling that subconscious fear into the light not just out of the subconscious, but out of the past.

Journal Prompts

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