How I Live Like I’m Dying (The Non-Dramatic Way)
As a survivor, I can never forget how short life is. Here's how honor that truth in small, everyday ways.
“I don’t have time,” I pleaded on TikTok.
“I don’t have time for jobs I hate, or books that aren’t worth reading; and we live in a society constantly trying to make us numb out, eat junk food and watch Netflix and forget how precious life is but the truth is:
We’re always running out of time.”
This wasn’t just a warning call to a bunch of strangers; this is how I actually live my life. I’m not the skydiving, shark-swimming type, but I am the kind that spends all of my days with the constant remembrance that time is passing. And I have a responsibility to make the most of my one precious, tiny little existence.
Not because I am a cancer survivor; my survivorship is only my reminder. I have - we all have - this responsibility because we are alive. As Brendon Burchard recently said on The School Of Greatness podcast, as alive beings one large part of our purpose here is to be alive.
If you’ve been following along, Jake and I are in a pivot season. We are living in a new town, unsure how long we’ll be asked to serve and exist here (I’ll follow where the universe guides), but making the best of it. Meanwhile we’re adjusting to newly married life and making our plans for our future family, as I recover from my last cushy but creativity-crushing corporate job.
Which means that right now the challenge is to balance my awareness of life’s brevity with a quieter, calmer existence. We won’t be spending our life’s savings to travel Europe anytime soon, not while I am supposed to be keeping my feet and womb warm (if you know you know, right ladies?). But we also don’t want to use this soft season as excuse to lose sight of our dreams.
Here’s how I honor my commitment to using my second chance to it’s fullest…without being too ‘extra’:
1. I make occasions out of small acts
My morning coffee is not the push of an outdated drip machine. It’s a dance of ingredients, steps, aromas and sensations.
Our evening mocktails for dinner are served in our nice wine glasses that need to be hand washed. And I splurged on an herbal tincture for stress relief.
Even for the grocery store, I put on earrings and makeup.
Why? Because even small moments matter, in fact it’s often in these smaller seemingly mundane moments that we’re snapped out of our daze most harshly. Captivated by a sunset on the drive home, or a chance encounter with someone who might change our life. I have seen the other side, putting no thought or effort into myself or the functions that make my daily life work, and it felt lifeless, cold, and depressing. I choose to celebrate the small things and the big things alike.
2. I actively look for miracles
If you’re an OG subscriber, you know this blog started first as a daily practice of finding a tiny miracle, and documenting it. The idea was to help us both see the miraculous in everyday life (still a mission in this new iteration of Substacking). Though I’ve pivoted to share more of my life because that’s what I like to read from others, I still keep up the habit.
One small pause, one little breath, is often all it takes to look around and find something to wow over. Something to feel not just gratitude, but absolute awe that all the pieces came together to make it happen. The craftsmanship of my morning coffee cup, that I was able to find the love of my life at a time when he was open to loving me back, rain on the window. Miracles are endless and plentiful. We just have to remember to look for them.
And as I discussed recently, the more we seek them, the more come to us. The more we treat everything as a miracle, the more miracles we get.
3. I don’t take responsibility for everything
A life spent stressed out trying to control everything is not a life well-lived.
My faith practice has been coming back in full force. I feel a strong call from something greater than myself, especially in terms of sharing my experience as living as a survivor, since my approach to living can help us all be more present, awake, and enlivened.
In doing so, I have loosened my grip on life, on everything. I am open to following the wild pings and curiosities that are divinely given to me. I am willing to step down new paths, even ones so dark I can’t see the next step, in order to learn, create, or experience what I am destined to.
In essence, just like accepting my diagnosis and going head-first and fully smiling into my treatment, I’m willing to accept life’s pleasant and challenging curveballs. I trust it’s all working out for me. In doing so, life brings me a much better adventure than I could have planned for myself…
4. I’m honest about my mortality
“Everyone tells me not to say this, but it’s true. And it’s what will set you free,” I said to the camera.
No one wants to think about death, of course. But it’s a fact, and an unforgiving one. Your life is short. It is not promised. No tomorrow is guaranteed.
But right now, you have the power and the capability and the dream inside you. Knowing, and deeply accepting, that your life is passing by and that you are always running out of time to live it can be the only excuse you need to go after what you want.
You do not need anyone’s permission. You do not need wait till it’s your turn - your life is your turn. And if you’re wasting it on books, jobs, relationships, and numbing out, it’s only you that will have to reckon with it. There will be no one else to blame.
Yes, there are times when this knowledge is crippling. Moments when I look back and curse myself for years spent loving and trying to save alcoholic partners, or years when I used all my words, love and passion for causes or companies that drained me and belittled me.
But that, too, is my reckoning. I wouldn’t feel that guilt or shame if I did not know better. I am grateful for my awareness and I use that angst as motivation to break free of whatever cages and fears held me back before, and step boldly into the places I know I am meant to go.
The beautiful, miraculous, incredible truth is that whether consciously or not, you are living like you are dying, because we are dying every second we are alive.
This time, right now, is all you’ve got.