PS: Beautiful Rituals For Hard Conversations

Creating ceremony and space around the moments that change our lives.

I heard once that everything can be ceremonialized, and often is without our realizing. Even Apple’s famous move of putting the old iPhone in a box at the center of the stage, then dropping down into the floor, is meant to subconsciously remind us of a funeral. The death of our old phone. So that we associate the phone in our pocket as an old relic, and direly need the new, young, alive phone Steve presents to us.

In days of the past - and still today, in some cultures - so much more is celebrated in ceremony than we care for anymore. The start of a woman’s period - and every period after, the days before a battle, weather patterns...

But I am still one to ceremonialize. I have rituals, tiny and holy, that ground my life. The way I make my coffee and put on these eye masks every morning. The way I pull tarot. The way I pour a bath. It all has special steps. Even the way I prepare for a meditation or to write a longer piece of work has a little ceremony before it.

Earlier this week, I talked about the hard conversation I think everyone needs to have. Surprisingly, the video I posted about it on TikTok got 1 million views. I was shocked to hear so many people hadn’t had the conversation I mentioned there. A vital one, given the place we are in history.

But there is more to that story. It doesn’t have to be a matter of simply sitting down and talking. In fact, that can be very jarring on our system; to go from our busy day-to-day tasks into a difficult conversation, then emerge out and expect to go back to the status quo.

Time should be taken before and after to prepare. And because they are difficult, care can be efforted to make those moments more beautiful, sensual (as in the senses, not sexual), special.

After all, they are the kind of conversations that deepen our awareness and our authenticity. I can think of no better time to create a small, safe space and ceremonialize what can often be a transformative, life-affirming experience.

Be Mindful Of The Container

Sure, we’re busy, and we have to meet on common ground if the conversation is with another person. But a crowded coffee shop isn’t likely to inspire depth and honesty. Somewhere calming, quiet, and inspiring can help the conversation flow. A place in nature, like a park, where you can be surrounded by the earth’s natural beauty, can bring a sense of calm and ease.

Create Space

Before and after. Plan for time to recalibrate after alone if the conversation is especially confrontational. The body keeps the score, as they say, and anything that disrupts your nervous system can linger longer than our minds might realize. Take time before to center your body, mind, and heart - not to prepare, necessarily. It’s not a time to rehearse responses. Simply a time to tell your body: it’s ok to breathe, remain embodied, and we will get through this.

Offer Yourself Healing

Especially when the conversation is with myself (about abundance, receiving, worth, etc), I personally always need something…a ‘little treat’ if you will. For me, that means a bath, a walk out next to the lake to listen to the birds sing, even just a glass of wine and a face mask. These little luxuries are offers of thanks to my entire being and my higher power, appreciating a level of pride for getting through it, and a loving reminder of my worth.

Here are more tools that help me:

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