Pep Talk: It's Time To Start The Conversation

For anyone gearing up to face - and discuss - hard truths, with others or themselves.

Honoring the week I’ve had exploring the hard conversations I think everyone should have with their partner, their friends and/or family, and themselves, this week’s pep talk is to prepare us all to have those hard conversations…

You don’t have to commit to the entire conversation, my love.

Just commit to saying the first word. To starting them. Commit to being the one to get the ball rolling.

Sometimes that’s as far as we can go. Especially if, like me, you’ve been a codependent your entire life, rewarded with love for being helpful and putting others first.

The hardest conversations we have in life typically revolve around setting a boundary.

That’s why we are so scared of them. We know these hard conversations will disrupt the status quo.

These conversations mean telling the truth, then asserting that you need to set a boundary with someone else (or yourself), or accepting that they might set a boundary around you.

Boundaries challenge what we know. They break the rules of what we’ve been doing, expecting others to do, or thought was ‘normal’ and create new rules and responsibilities. They shake up our reality, and even when we might desperately want that shakeup, it can feel daunting, scary, and threatening. Threatening to our lives as we know them, our identity as we know ourselves, and our relationships as they stand. Threatening to the ways we’ve received love, praise and approval.

So if you can’t get all the way to: I’m going to have the talk (and I’ve shared some rituals to help you mentally, emotionally, and somatically prepare), then you can at least take the little tiny step into:

“I’ll start it.

And if this time doesn’t work, I’ll start it again another time. And if that time doesn’t work, I’ll keep starting this conversation, because doing so could change my life, save my life, or set me free. This conversation is the spark that can ignite the life I’ve been waiting too long to live.”

Remember this before your hard conversation:

You don’t need to rehearse.

You don’t need to have all the perfect phrases to use on deck. You just need to trust yourself to navigate the waters as you go. Most people learn to swim by being in the water, so get in and start talking. If you end up thrashing and drowning, exit the pool (the conversation) catch your breath and try again another time.